I didn’t know if I would ever write this post! This was a deeply personal and difficult times in my life, but lately has been on my heart to share in case someone is also going through a tough breakup.

As you might guess from the title, I was engaged to someone else before marrying Jon. When the engagement was abruptly called off, I was devastated. But in walking through this experience I have learned times like these, while never wished for, happen for a reason and I can honestly say I wouldn’t be where I am or who I am without having experienced it. I never would have survived those dark days without my faith and family and in writing this story I hope anyone experiencing similar heartbreak or devastation will know they are not alone and can find hope and newfound strength in reading this.

I won’t get into too many personal details about him or the relationship, but I was 23 at the time and we had met through friends. He was and is still a great guy and I am not here to speak badly about him. Our engagement/wedding was called off (by him) just 12 days before the wedding. As you can imagine it was devastating! Everything was done-the dress was ready, flowers selected, invitations sent, venue booked-everything! I still remember when he came by to call it off and how embarrassing it was, what a failure I felt, and how terrible I felt for my family knowing they had to go through this too. Obviously now I can say it was better to have cancelled the wedding than getting married and probably divorced, but at the time seemed unsurvivable. 

There wasn’t any cheating or fighting, or any one terrible moment, but he was feeling in his spirit things weren’t right for us to get married. As it turned out his feeling was right. As grief stricken as we both were, I commend him for making the decision and assuming the role of bad guy when it would have been easier to ignore his feeling and and just go through with the wedding! Looking back I probably didn’t see the signs as I was so caught up in the momentum of planning our wedding and wouldn’t even have entertained such a thought!

Initially he just wanted to postpone the wedding and maybe get married the next year as he was adamant he still loved me and wanted to make it work. But I realized if there were questions now about our compatibility, waiting wasn’t going to change that. After it was officially called off, I mentally checked out. All I wanted was to put the entire experience behind me. When it comes to dealing with hurt I’ve learned my defense mechanism is to have nothing else to do with that person or pain and try to move on. I need to process my feelings by myself, not keep rehashing things or talking in circles, and begin to heal in my own way. I’m not saying my way of handling our situation was the best. I know my reaction hurt him terribly. He was a person who had a high need to discuss things extensively and work through them in a way that I couldn’t. I know now this was another major difference in our personalities and would have ultimately created future problems.

I will never forget how terrible that day was but it made me so much stronger, more aware and truthful with myself, and I grew and matured in a way that I might never if I hadn’t experienced it. In looking back now, I see how much I changed for the relationship, and it wasn’t helping anybody. In my mind, I was trying to portray the perfect “Christian girl” who I thought he wanted. I thought I needed to be sweeter, nicer, and more Godly for him to love me fully and in trying to do this wasn’t true to myself. I truly believe this was a big factor in why my fiancé wasn’t feeling certain about our relationship because he could sense I wasn’t being the true version of myself.

I think a lot of people can relate to being in a relationship where you want it to work, where you want to be loved and accepted, and where you unknowingly or knowingly try change who you are to make it work. Sometimes you come to recognize this change gradually or it is revealed to you in a more dramatic and painful way as in my case. 

It took almost 6 months for me to feel like stepping back into normal living and not think about the breakup every moment. I knew in my heart the right decision had been made, but it still took time to heal. If you’ve experienced a big breakup, give yourself all the time you need to heal. It is such a hard and painful time and you need to give yourself so much grace. I am so thankful for my relationship with God, family and friends, and their constant love and support through this.

I want to encourage you that all that is good or bad in life happens for a reason. If I didn’t have this experience, I never would have met my amazing husband Jon, or been the person I am today! There is always something we can learn from it and if we allow it, strengthen and grow us. We were never promised easy or perfect lives, but with faith and supportive and loving people in your life, you can walk through it with joy. And remember even if you have few people in your life to support you, God is always with you! You are never alone!

Please let me know if there is anything I can pray for in your life! <3